June 5, 2019
Eduardo Glen Mora
It is so hard, and it is emotional at the beginning. We enter in the survival mode right after the oblivion and denial we had been submerged in for very long. I used to think and say that, I was one of the people who always enjoyed being high or drunk. Many of the best stories and memories I built and the friendships I had, happened and were made in those days. The reality is that it all works until it doesn’t anymore; it is true that I had good moments but they just happened to be while I was using, and to be honest, they could have happened the same without it.
I was raised and educated in a culture of drinking as part of the good times; never knew or watched that happiness or reward could be enjoyed just the same without it. Alcohol was always there; there was never a time or place or event without it. I never had a reference to a different way of living life. And I believe this is the norm in the majority of our societies; we grow into these principles, and there are very few who doesn’t.
I have a daughter that just raised her college age; it is shocking that she is my youngest and my oldest is a grown adult. I have a few years in sobriety, but still, I am waking up to very harsh and raw realities. I can see that I passed through so many years of my life in the complete absence of what was going on. I know it is the past and there is nothing I can change about it; I have to accept that my only chance is to make living amends on those matters, and live today in honest sobriety so I can build a clean, reliable and stable relationship with the people I care and will share my life with.
I am aware that these, which I consider awakenings, are everyday happenings in life but; thanks to recovery, they are precious to me and keep me grateful, accepting the life gifts I receive.
I thank this journey for the privilege of the present.
May 29, 2019
Eduardo Glen Mora
Sometimes people are caught up in their struggles or problems that they can’t listen. Something is bothering them and they just react instead of engaging. This makes us react as well and we may fall into their same attitude because just like others we also have issues and flaws that in stressful situations and har times come to the surface and make us act out.
It would be hard to avoid all situations like this or even have the right thinking to take a second and don’t engage in the same behaviors. That is why awareness of our own character defects help us to keep serene allowing us to step back and asses what is going on and try to make it better.
It is hard, and we will fail at times; it takes a lot of humility and self knowledge, a lot of work but it will make our relationships and life much easier.
Keeping our inventory and remembering where we come from will help us be the better person at difficult times.
May 26, 2019
Eduardo Glen Mora
Am I genuinely living sober? It is a simple but powerful question; it is thought-provoking. Makes my reflection about how I keep my recovery checked, how I am putting in action my program. As my addiction never leaves, and it is only its active side that it is an arrest, so my recovery needs to take action and practice its gratitude by helping others.
Many times, I just glide through sobriety and drift away from meetings or fellow alcoholics. It is reasonable since now I am wholeheartedly trying to restore and take back my life; however, I must not forget that there was always someone for me when I needed and I should do the same for the newcomers.
There are people I see following the path that nearly took my life and did so to others I knew, but I can’t do anything since it is about attraction and not by promotion that this program works. Recovery is changing my life, and I wish many others were able to be a part of it, sometimes it is sad and heartbreaking the feeling of not being able to share it. I can only wish for everybody to reach that moment of desperation that allowed me to accept I had a problem and seek help.
It is common to get caught in every day’s events, and distance from personal work but to be aware and go back on track can be done if we ask ourselves how truthfully we are living sober.
May 17, 2019
Eduardo Glen Mora
There is no amount of understanding, therapy, meetings or fellowship that can repair what is broken. We find the reasons in our upbringing, we learn about psychology and practice the tools others share. It makes sense, we actually understand what happens and accept what happened as well. We grow and get stronger. We make amends and try to fix what is possible. We become productive and find ways to cope with the death of friends, family and try every day to be better. We learn how to live without drinking and using and truly don’t miss it. It takes a lot of time and hard work to get there.
We keep present where we come from and embrace who we become. We try to stay humble and strong. We know that doesn’t only make sense but it is the right thing to do. We live to take care of our health and want to be there for the ones we love.
This is all very real and we truly want it and live for it. But we can’t change the very core of who we are, and we know this is inside us and alive. We choose to live and that is why we stay sober. It is a matter of life and death if we don’t. We know how much we will miss if we are gone and at the same time we don’t care. We would go back to get that feeling of being somewhere high, somewhere above everything, somewhere between reality and our imaginary world from broken children. That never goes, it remains there, in the back of our life and all the good we build. Yes, it is insane, it makes no sense, it is absurd and stupid. Why would we end all the wonders in our lives and change them for a moment in nowhere, for something that is nothing? However we do, we have gone there and will again just as easy.
Is it this madness just sadness? Why would we quit winning for loosing? Why would we choose darkness and silence instead of light and joy? I guess I will never know, it is a foolish bet, all the odds are against, it is clear and still, we would go back there in a second just because of feeling lonely.
Can’t explain it, and don’t really look for finding any whys. just keep taking one step at a time.
Stay strong, it is worth it.
May 16, 2019
Eduardo Glen Mora
What are my main concerns today? My mind can go randomly from memories on the first days of my recovery to the thought or questions that I had a few days ago. These are two different realities from different lives certainly but can’t be apart from one another. They keep my awareness in check; they force me always in an exercise that brings my feet to the ground and reminds me how I get here; what I lost and what I have been able to build as I grow into a better human being.
Sometimes it is hard to believe how much, things that seem simple today did trouble me and how they stopped me from keeping my sobriety. It looks like no matter how much I think I have learned; my ego brings me back to believe that I have achieved a superior level that makes me better than others. I know now this means, that I am human, and my flaws will always be there. Judging instead of embracing what and who I am is something I do even to myself, why wouldn’t I do it to others?
After all the loss, once I worked on better myself I am able to listen and accept what others have to say and open my mind to feedback and advice; even to criticism; this allows me to make amends and have empathy with the people in my everyday life. It does improve my relationships and helps me to keep my side of the street clean the best way I can.
Acceptance to one brings us humility and help us see and be able to take the gifts life and human beings are kindly and generously delivering to us.
Be present, accept the past and embrace yourself into the journey.
May 9, 2019
Eduardo Glen Mora
Recovery changes or we change in recovery? Every step forward into a new level of growth manifests itself and brings us into a moment of reflexion. It used to be every accomplished year of sobriety; this time a new change came earlier; a lot has happened in my almost five months passed my third year clean. A few notable events that would have shaken or strengthen my recovery in past the past; one, both the natural, expected death of relatives that belong to the older generation that started to leave us and the other (our generation) losing too soon their lives to addiction. Projects, goals, and dreams come true and lost equally after a lot of work and anticipation and hope in the person of my daughter and my son starting their lives as grown adults. Seems like a lot to go through in such a short time, or at least it would have been certainly in early sobriety. Today it appears that is only life happening with good and bad stuff coming our way some as consequences of our choices and some others as simple reality bites we have no control over. Either way, it is only life happening to us as it does to everybody else. These events are big to me, not anymore in the sense of justifying myself acting in victim mode or blaming the world from my failures or bad luck but, in recognizing that today, I can go through them in acceptance and gratitude being aware of how far I have walked without forgetting where I come from.
I can see that everything is in the right place because it is the right time for it. That everything that happened made this moment possible and that I must embrace the outcome as a milestone and perhaps, make a pause, sit back, relax a little and prepare for what it comes next.
Sober is the right path for me, and I have no regrets about my past; only the appreciation for the lessons it brought to me.
April 1, 2019
Eduardo Glen Mora
Interaction with people become challenging and surprising in Recovery. Sobriety becomes our lifestyle and like any other, after the adjustment to it, it turns natural and an everyday operation sort of speak. We live our lives as if it was like that since the beginning. It is real for us until our relationships with others outside our programs show us how different the perspective is coming from the regular world.
Disbelief, doubts, but most of all poor understanding of how addiction works. Therefore, the actions and changes we have done and need to maintain in our lives to keep us where we are today separate us from the world. We lose friends and grow apart from family members. Just like us at one time; everybody thinks of addiction as something temporary or transitional. The notion that it is not a phase of development that will be ended by the accumulation of knowledge or awakening but through constant and permanent work is not understood. It shows us how this condition is often dismissed and underestimated. At the same time, it stigmatize the individual who carries it. Nothing really to take personal or to be offended by but important to consider.
I have experienced though, that with enough time and at the right moment; people stop feeling threatened and become open to listening. Then, very often they experience a big a-ha moment of the reasons that made us change and sent us into the healing path we now enjoy. This changes completely the tone of the relationship, gets rid of the bitterness product of the fear caused by the no-understanding of the changes we made and the road we took after entering into sobriety.
January 6, 2019
Eduardo Glen Mora
There are many things out of our control happening around us and forces that can influence people we care for. Sometimes we can feel this in a conversation. Our intuition points us that something is not quite right, it feels like a premonition, but it could be hard to identify precisely what it is. However, we get an underlying sense of the reason. When the relationships surrounding these events are complicated, and we must restrain our response to avoid misinterpretations, it becomes tougher, and we may feel uneasy and anxious.
We always want to give the right advice; it is, after all, our duty (many of us feel) to do what we can to guide and help our loved ones. It possibly won’t go the way we try even when we have the best intentions. We may not be able to communicate clearly, or the other person may not be ready, open to understanding our comments.
So, what do we do? It is very little what we can, and it is hard because we will probably see our worst fears or worries unfold. The fact here is, and we learned it the tough way and first hand in recovery; that most often, everyone has to go through their fails, unpleasant situations, and hardships to grow up.
At times we feel it is not fair because it seems that our view was correct but, in the end even if this was right, it is their life, and we can’t decide the choices others make. It is not easy to stay aside when we care for the person, but we need to let go.
And there it is where we find the lesson for our learning, for our personal spiritual growth. These moments show us that the journey is about progress and it never stops. So, buckle up, pay attention and enjoy the ride.
January 4, 2019
Eduardo Glen Mora
Our contribution purely depends on our consciousness and our willingness to support those in need, to show vulnerability and accept the support of others, to share without expecting the credit, to give it our all and allow our hard work to decide the outcome, to understand that control can only be achieved with a shared responsibility.
It is only until we take inventory honestly and work on our character defects without trying to make any justification; when we serve who needs it and help who can’t stand for themselves and live taking full commitment, that we humble ourselves and really walk in recovery.
December 27, 2018
Eduardo Glen Mora
In the process to better ourselves, we may fall into self-righteousness. We don’t want to be back in our ways. Try to stay away from selfishness or being judgemental. We don’t want to hurt people and are always careful of our actions in order not to fall again.
But we may lose the complete view and sometimes forget that the story has as many sides as spectators. We can grow apart from our principles and values in our effort to become an example. And we go back; we get arrogant and condescending, we shut our minds to other opinions and become intolerant. We feel one up than others and think that our way is the only right way.
I quit drinking and using a little over three years ago. I recovered most of my clarity; I am in a general way healthier. I don’t smoke anymore and cut caffeine by half so far. I have improved many of my relationships professionally and personally. I have made some amends and attempted others. Many things have changed for good and are better drastically comparing the old days. I have less anxiety and accept that there is a lot of stuff out of my control, and I don’t try to change them or manipulate outcomes.
Every day I find something new to be grateful for and continuously remind myself of many others that have come to me as blessings and gifts in this time.
But I am myself and always will be. Complacency starts sinking into my recovery, and I slack on my personal growth: I stop working on myself and forget that my addiction was active as a result of my shortcomings as a human being.
Staying stopped is not enough. So now that I am looking for meaning for these years and what is the next step into my recovery; I see very clearly that I have to stay vigilant.
My worst fear today is not picking up, it is antagonism, indifference, harshness. I become egotistical, proud and rude. So I need to remain teachable, humble and it is not easy. In the end, we are human, and we travel on this journey of progress, not perfection.
Life has been good to me so far and keeps getting better as long as I accept who I am and remind myself where I come from.