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I will always be me…

March 23, 2018

Eduardo Glen Mora

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. . . AND NO MORE RESERVATIONS
We have seen the truth again and again: “Once an alcoholic, always an alcoholic.”. . . If we are planning to stop drinking, there must be no reservation of any kind, nor any lurking notion that someday we will be immune to alcohol. . . . To be gravely affected, one does not necessarily have to drink a long time nor take the quantities some of us have. 
— ALCOHOLICS ANONYMOUS, p. 33
After a bit more than 2 years sober, I sit back and try to understand what it means to me to be in the present moment. What does it mean to me to be sober for all this time? It is something that with the everyday living I forget to think about, but, when some milestone comes closer I feel I have to take some time to reflect on it.
It is not the craving I worry anymore, still I experience it sometimes; it is not the impulse to bury a bad  argument/disagreement with people I love or the feeling of powerlessness when I walk next to a bar. It is the moments when I forget that I am an alcoholic and feel that I am a normal person. I start thinking that I may be able to do it, I have learned so much in this time right?, I have done hundreds of meetings and read thousands of pages and shared many times. well, I know that doesn’t work for me, I can not forget who I am, I can not take for granted my recovery.
I know that if I pick up I will keep on going and won’t see anything wrong with it, my personal worse is that I don’t need a reason to do it, I don’t need a bad day, I am still an alcoholic, an addict, I am still myself.
I believe that as long as I always remember, I will be able to do it one day at a a time.
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